Smashing your brains out with a wedge of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick.

Alert, Douglas Adams fans: I am on a quest. I grew up reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy -- or, well, listening avidly to the BBC recordings. At work I am prone to shrieking, "ALRIGHT YOU SCUM, YOU VERMIN. WHADDYA WANT TO DRINK?" at bar customers. I'm lucky I live in Portland and this kind of behavior is thought of as a local quirk; if I tried that in Texas I'd probably get shot.

But I digress. The point is, I'm currently searching for a good Earth-variant cocktail recipe for a Pangalactic Gargleblaster, i.e. the drink invented by Zaphod Beeblebrox, the effects of which are described in the subject line of this post.

This is how Douglas Adams describes a PG in the book:

1. Take the juice from one bottle of that Ol' Janx Spirit.
2. Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V.
3. Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzene is lost).
4. Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it.
5. Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qalactin Hypermint extract.
6. Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger.
7. Sprinkle Zamphuor.
8. Add an olive.
9. Drink . . . but . . . very carefully . . .

I've found several recipes online, but thus far they are either unsatisfactory or out of my reach. Many of them call for Everclear (in place of the Ol' Janx Spirit) but I don't have access to that; I was thinking that 151 would suffice, and that means I'd get to set it on fire, too. I feel like that could be a very important step.

The seawater, I was thinking of a mix of pineapple and sweet/sour mix. The mega-gin could be just plain gin, while Sprite or soda water could provide the bubbles of Fallian marsh gas. A float of Qalactin hypermint? I saw one recipe that called for creme de menthe, but given the other ingredients that sounds repulsive. Probably substitute a float of either Midori or Blue Curacao. The sprinkle of Zamphour could be grenadine.

I don't have any thoughts for the tooth of a Suntiger, other than to maybe soak an orange wedge in 151, light it on fire, too, and drop it in the drink.

So, my recipe would look like:

1 shot 151
1/2 shot gin
Float of Blue Curacao
Splash sprite
Splash pineapple juice
Splash sour mix
Pinch of grenadine
Orange wedge
Olive (?? I wouldn't, given that the rest of the recipe is pretty sweet-flavored, but the original from the book explicitly calls for it. Bleah. I hate olives.)

Pour 3/4 the shot of 151 into a cosmopolitan or a martini glass. Swirl it around. Light it on fire. Put the rest of the 151 in a small glass, drop the orange wedge in, and set it aside to soak.

Fill a mixer glass with ice. Pour in 1/2 shot of gin, sprite, pineapple juice, and sour. Shake well. Strain (carefully) into still-flaming 151. Pour 1/2 shot Blue Curacao over back of spoon. Garnish with the orange wedge, which will hopefully catch on fire when lit and (carefully) placed on rim. Olive???

Basically there's a lot of fire involved, which appeals to the pyro in my soul. I can't wait to try it out.

If anybody's got any suggestions, lemme know. Mixologists! Give me your mixers!